35 years agois a LONG time ago!

thirty-five years ago i was about to embark on my journey to college at the ripe old age of 17.  i did NOT want to go.  i did, but i didn't.  i was so afraid to go out into that big world where i would have to go out and meet new people and face the possibility of rejection....i was so afraid of being unloveable for/as me...i still am, i guess, in some ways.

 surface stuff is REALLY easy for me.  i can make friends with a rock i bet.....but, going deeper?  that is a bit hard.  rocks don't judge you.....actually, most people don't judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves either if the truth be told, but that is easier to say than to believe in your heart.

this past weekend i went to my 35 yr. high school reunion.  it was really healing for me in alot of ways.  i have been dealing with so much healing in my life over the past few years and it was really nice to see it all come together and livcd out this weekend.  so many insecurities that could have been there were just not! yeah!  it was wonderful to see people from all walks of life, of all shapes and forms, come together for the sole purpose of enjoying each other's company.  and, we were all "enough".

 i am really happy in my life and in myself now.  i really like who i have become, and to find that i never really lost myself.  some new things scare me a little bit, i guess excite would be a better word than scare~but i am happy to be on this journey still growing every day, and living life to the fullness.  i am really happy to be enjoying life and for not feeling guilty for my childlike joy.  a part of me that i used to have to feel like hiding, is now blossoming and finding joy, fun and beauty in all around me.

i walked across sundial bridge one night while in redding. it is a REALLY cool bridge that is made of glass and there is like a mast like thing with cables going into these holes cut into the glass floor of the bridge that is lit....so, where was i? on my hands and knees with my big giant rear~end sticking in the air peering into these holes that had hundreds of spiders and their lit webs living a life of extreme beauty below the surface......~ you gotta see it to believe the beauty! ~go ahead, click the link, you know you want to!

 i LOVE that i look for, and usually find, that beauty below the surface, and that i get to translate it into love letters from God to me  ;o)

sure do wonder what the next 35 years are gonna bring--but you better believe that i am gonna be on the lookout for whatever He has to show me, and will be open to where He leads and takes me....and to accepting, loving and BEING the woman that he created ME to be.....