hope

And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:5--shared with me today by a dear friend.

it has been more than a year now that my sister passed away......she was a huge believer in hope, and she exemplified love, and lived by the spirit and bore His fruits....love, joy, peace, patience, , kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control ....here is what i wrote about her on my blog back then...

my sister ruth......

my sister ruth was angelic.....i can not say that she was an angel as that is not scriptural....but she was a wonderful, wonderful woman of God. on sept. 18th she went home to be with the Lord in heaven at the young age of 52......

i do not know if i have ever met anyone that exibited such a measure of grace and humility as she did, or any one that really exemplified the fruits of the spirit as well as she did. she did not start out that way. growing up she was socially awkward and developed very low self esteem. she knew what it was to enter a room and to not be noticed. she did not date during high school.....she was a stubborn girl, often to a fault. patience was not one of the virtues that she was known for. she had many obstacles to overcome. growing graceful was not an easy thing for her.

as our other sister joan recently put it, she was a diamond in the rough.when she went to college, she started to blossom and grow. she started to study the word of God, and to apply it to her life. she became social and developed deep friendships......she rooted for the underdog. she always wanted to make people feel that they mattered and that they were the most important person in her life at that time. she always took the focus off of herself and put it onto you. she really wanted to know how you were doing and how she could best pray for you. she always wanted to make sure that you were comfortable.

she hungered for more knowledge of God. she embodied the word grace. When she became sick 6 years ago, she learned more about faith and patience, love, joy, self-control, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness....and she learned about hope. she never gave up hope, and she gave it to others. she encouraged all she came into contact with. she made you want to be a better person--the best you could be--for having been in her presence.` i am blessed by her and honored to call her my sister.when she got sick, i made her a comfort quilt that she used every day--all day. i felt so helpless, but it was something tangible that i could do to help bring her some comfort. i wanted to go help give her hospice, but we ran out of time--on my way to see her to plan it, she faded and went into the hopsital where she died 6 days later. i was able to help care for her there and to minister to her family too, but still feel that i wished i could have done more......
i have found that the "more" that i was looking for that i can do, can be carried out each day that i live.... to strive to be a better wife, mother, sister, friend and self....not for her, not even for me, but for God.

Ruth had learned the secret....she had emptied herself of herself, and put God inside of her instead. she became poor of herself, and rich and blessed in God. she showed God's love for others in everything that she said and did. the outpouring from hundreds of friends was a real testimony of her life as they told how wonderfully she had blessed their lives and how much they loved her. i know that when she entered heaven that her crown was huge, but that as soon as she got it, she laid it right back down at Jesus' feet. i know that God was pleased to say, "well done my good and faithful servant."

we will all miss her greatly.....
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so....here i am a year later....i had hoped to spend the anniversary of my sister's death with my other sister joan--we were gonna have lunch together, and then, go see "all about steve" so we could laugh and laugh...instead, i stayed home, not well, and siobhan had been at the emergency room the night before with a fever of 104.6 and diagnosed with pheumonia in both lungs. so, i needed to stay home.....where i have been for the past 2 weeks, being sick....now i am better and have had lots of time to reflect, and am actually ready to post about this....but words fail me....i reflected on her life, and how she lived it, how i would choose to live, and how i have failed in my desires and goals....but, still i have hope.

one of my most favorite movies is where i take my life quote....national lampoon's family vacation. at one point clark is asking ellen if they are having fun yet, to which she responds "no, but with each new day comes fresh hope" (my paraphrase) i cling to the fact that with each new day DOES come fresh hope.....

~i am glad that with each new day DOES come fresh hope....and, as anne of green gables knew, that each new day was fresh, with no mistakes in it--yet. i know that i mess up. i know that my family messes up....but i do still have eternal hope that God will prevail and that we will become the people that he created us to be, and that we will walk in His spirit in love and exemplify the fruits of the spirit....

last year i posted this, after jenna, j.k. and i had got our "speo in deo" tattoos.....
The Clan Crowley's motto is speo in deo which is latin for hope in God, or more so, I put my hope in God.....not just as in an I wish, or I hope that God will come though, but rather in that God is the only place for me to put my hope--with raidant certainty that God will come through as He is the only one capable......He is the only one that is worthy of my placing my hope.Now, being a crowley only by choice (marriage) i am sure that the motto is still good for me and i sure do think that it was cool that they had such a great motto....as we all know how i feel about hope :o)

~~~~~now i am happy to have a wonderful verse about hope too.....thank you friend for sharing it with me.....